Alligator Dreams

I'm trying to figure out what my dreams have meant for the last 4 nights. I had a nice chat with my bro-in-law this morning and got his perspective on it, but I also welcome other perspectives. I've had a recurring dream that there's an alligator (or alligator-like creature) lurking just below the surface of a body of water on which I'm sitting (either in a boat or on the shore). It pokes it's head above the water and shows its teeth and then sinks below the water again. It's definitely a menacing feeling I have in my dream, and the thought that comes to me in my dream is that this somehow represents chemotherapy. It's all very odd. I'm talking with someone (the face varies each night) just prior to the alligator's appearance, and then once the alligator surfaces and goes back under the water, I'm alone. In any event, it has caused restless sleep the last few nights.

Maybe chemo is the alligator. Or maybe it's the cancer, lurking beneath the surface. Is it fear? I just don't know. All I know is I want the dreams to end. Maybe I AM afraid of chemo, or at least what it will do to my body. Maybe I'm afraid it won't fix the problem. Maybe I just have a lot of fear just below the surface and I should start processing some of it. Maybe I'm reading too much into this silly dream. Maybe I just need to shoot the ding-dang alligator in my dream and be done with it. Perhaps I'll take a case of whoopa$$ into my dream with me tonight. That'll show that stinking alligator! :o)

Sue B. just installed my new handheld shower head, so I'm about to go take a luxurious shower. We just measured my hair and my pony tail is 11 inches, so there's plenty for Locks of Love. Tomorrow afternoon I get it all cut off into a short cut, and then once my hair starts to fall out I'll shave it. Phil is shaving it in solidarity with me.

The simple pleasures in life have been abundant the last few days. Ease of movement and wound healing. Belly laughs with my son as we threw the "meanie rag" (the cloth used to wipe his face and hands after meals) back and forth at each other after dinner last night. Sitting on my porch in the morning sun and in the evening with the twinkle lights. Having a good appetite again. Connecting with friends and family. Life is good, my friends. Life is good.

Jamie left yesterday to go to North Carolina with the rest of my family. We Skyped them last night so we got to see everyone on video. Hopefully there will be an internet connection in the house they're renting so that we can communicate this coming week. I'm definitely feeling sad we're not going this year. The talk all year long is how much fun it would be for everyone to see Benjamin there this year (yep, it's all about Benjamin. Sandy and Phil are just by-products these days :o) Now my focus is picturing us all there next year and the years to come, having fun in the waves and sun.

Phil's sister Sheila arrive Monday night, so this weekend is a bit of a quiet family one. Joe and Sue rented a bunch of movies and last night we watched He's Just Not That Into You. Cute movie, good ensemble cast. Phil snoozed, but he's got a bad cold so I'm glad he got some sleep.

Today I'm going to a garden tea party in a fancy hat and a dress. I'm not sure how long I'll last, but I'm looking forward to it. It's my last chance for awhile to wear a hat with long hair. I have all these great hats from my Aunt Meg from the 40s and 50s, so it'll be hard to choose just one.

Sorry this post is a bit disconnected and rambly. Maybe it's the lack of good sleep that's doing it. Darn alligator.

Love to all, Sandy